Hi Gem01,
I have BPD too and my impulsiveness hurt me a lot, too. I got lucky that I found a med that helped me tremendously with that particular issue. Are you on any meds? Are you in therapy? If you're not, it sounds as though you're in a pretty dark place where you may need it.
You aren't alone.
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"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." -- Goethe
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