Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise
Im wondering if something about this set your daughter off...
By late morning she had asked me did I have a good sexual relationship with her father (my first husband) and I said no. She had asked did he rape me. I had stated that was not a question I would answer to her. She kept on demanding and I mean demanding an answer (I did not recognize who this person was) and I finally answered "husbands cannot rape their wives". She started screaming the demand and I finally answered yes
here in the USA it is the crime of rape if anyone....stranger, friend , relative, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouse to force another into having sex. I know many husbands and wives that have committed and have been successfully prosecuted as part of state, federal sex abuse cases and part of domestic violence cases.
they are teaching in schools and colleges to that ....any one... regardless of relationship that forces another to have sex against their will or while that person is in a situation where they can not consent (drunk, drugged, under age, mentally or physically incapable according to the laws of consenting) is called rape.
mind you this is in the USA, other locations outside the USA may have other standards, federal and state laws about this.
it is hard for some people to discover their beginnings was not out of love but out of violence. but you cant force someone to get counseling here in the USA, all you can do is if she becomes a danger to herself or others is call the police, they will get her the help she may need at that moment of being a danger to herself or others.
that said you can get counseling for yourself to learn how to deal with your feelings and your relationship issues with these relatives.
you can also contact domestic violence and other community agencies that apply to your situation, they can help you so that you are not so dependent on others, maybe even have your own place again in an assisted living program.
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Hello amandalouise - My daughter was displaying anger before I used my poor judgement by answering her question. I agree with you about an individuals feelings about being conceived from violence. She was from day one shown true and unconditional love. She will even tell you to this day that she knows how much I love her. That is what is so hard.
I did go to counciling not too long after I got settled in a new residence. It was definitely beneficial and he felt I had good insight into what was going on but I am here now because I was seeing him for total confusion for what happened and for all the hurt that went with it. I have since than been working on rewriting my life and by doing this I have resolved so many things and had to look at some of my own issues and work on them daily. What brought me here was the hurt being replaced by anger. I don't want to be angry, I want to forgive. I no longer feel the need to take on the blame for where she is right now but am angry that not only would she do something like this to her mom but realizing now that she is capable of inflicting that kind of hurt on another. She just was not raised that way.
I live alone not with anyone else and anyone that knows me knows of my independance. I could never be dependant on another nor would I choose to be a victim. I forgave their dad for his part in this as it was later discovered that he was not a mentally well man. I was with one of my daughters to help her and him pass on to the other side. The other two of my daughters had separated from him by the time they were 16 and 18. I hope this clarifys this a bit more by answering some of your responses. I truly appreciated your response. Hugs and please have a good day.