Have you looked into tantric sex? Not all sex is about penetration & it sounds like you're not ready for that part of it if you're not enjoying it.
IMO you're going to have to work w/your partner so you're on the same page AFA what to do & how far to go. Your partner needs to understand what's going on in your head so this person can make decisions on your reactions.

Yes changing how you view sex can work. I dealt w/ a lot of csa in my past & just started to leave it alone. Leave it in the past Bec it was affecting me now. I look at sex very differently, feel & understand it very differently. The past can come back & ruin things & ive made changes to move on.

Start slow & educate yourself. Is your pain from something physical? Then maybe start there & see an OB about what's going on. Maybe it's the position or other changes you can make to help you relax.
It can work.
I wish you the best!