Very sorry to hear of your continued pain . . . far too many of us can relate. And, I'm very sorry for your father - the intense hopelessness and despair he must have felt! I hope you know that his choice had nothing to do with you.

Absolutely, therapy should be on the top of your list to empower yourself. There are many types of therapy, many types of therapists - if one doesn't seem to click with you, then try another.

You may interested in other posts here on PC concerning approaches to non-Rx approaches . . . some are as simple as cutting out wheat from your diet. In this Depression forum, you might consider reading Little Turtle's thread "Preventing Depression" - LOTS of posts and opinions, but informative. Also, I suggest reading through the Psychotherapy and Other Treatments threads.

There are no quick fixes but you are reaching out, which is the first step.