I have been feeling so achy lately. Like there is a real sad part inside me. I have real urges to cut. I threw away most the stuff I cut with a long time ago. I go to my new therapist tuesday. I've never told her that I cut. I feel overwhelmed with how closed in I feel like I have no one who cares, no one who knows what im going through, and no one who cares to know. I feel like I keep gettting these kinda messages from the outside. I emailed three older ladies from my old church (where i moved from) and no one has emailed me back, my old T hasnt returned my calls, my new T seems so distant, and everytime i feel like i am making new friends, it fails. Ok. so maybe the sadness is dissappointment, lonliness, and pain. Sometimes I hate being human. Feelings suck b/c they are so dependent on other ppl. How do i go on without building walls up? How do continue to have relationships or try to.. without not trusting or trying to open up to them even though it hurts so much when they reject you?

I've been reading allot on trust in the bible. I think people who trust God to take care of them even when its scarey are the biggest spiritual giants. Its so hard for me.

Keep me in ur prayers. Thanks for listening.