Something similar has gone on with me, as far as finding faults, breaking up, making up. I think I may have BPD.

It was never done as a way to get pleasure-- totally opposite. I felt strong attraction and love, but then my feelings turned, and I pushed them away.

Sometimes, I would go for another round with them, thinking it would be better this time, that we were good together. But I would feel turned off and push them away again.

I hated going through this.