Posted a few times in this forum then had to stay off the computer a lot in order to take care of a relative...

Just saw the movie, Sunset Limited. What White expressed is exactly how I'm feeling. The difference is...until recently I was just like Black, White never was.

What makes it especially hard is to go from a place of great belief to agnosticism. I stupidly thought this movie would end with White believing...that Black would say something to convince him (me) of eternity.

Been searching trying to get my faith in a God, an after-life for our "souls" which I believed were eternal. The thing is, the more religions I seek out in order to regain my faith, the greater my unbelief. That I can see that each may just be a story, a story of some king that man needs in order to cope with his own mortality, that of his children, everyone, and futility of it all. Man is, as far as we know, the only animal who knows he is going to die, to one day be a rotting piece of meat in a coffin (just calling it the way it is), and most everyone simply can't handle that. They can't...hence, the stories.

I want to be able to handle the possibility that this is it for us and everyone we love, for humankind in general, but it's hard, so very hard for me especially considering where I used to be....the secular nun, they called me.
I keep hearing in my head, have courage to face this possibility, to face what is truly the unknown.

Let me go pop an anti-anxiety pill...it's that hard.

Annie