This is a very rich thread. Lots of wisdom here.

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How could I have been so stupid to believe myself that special?

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I know others have said this, but Mouse, you are special! And I am sure your T believes you are too. It is not a delusion. You can be very very special to your T without your being the only thing that is special to her. Just because she has others (family, friends, clients) in her life in no way changes that you are special to her.

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I don't know where to go from here. But as I type that my head says, "go through it". Is this the valley of the dead one has to go through to reach the light?

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Maybe. Therapy is hard work and sometimes we have to go places that are not easy and that we wish we had kept buried deep within. I have been going through some deep pain recently in therapy. My T commented last time that he had seen my "existential anguish" and it made me feel really recognized and validated that he had "noticed." It doesn't make it easier to go through, but somehow I felt a little better when he said that. Does your T recognize what you are going through?

spiritual emergency, I really liked your post on the Soul.