i guess there are evaluative and non-evaluative usages. for me... debate and argument is about discussing something and trying to mutually come to a better understanding.

for others... debate and argument is about hostility, conflict, whos right and whos wrong, one upmanship etc etc etc.

i understand that the second isn't appropriate here.
but i do find it frustrating that attempts to engage in the first are often judged to be instances of the second.

i figure the way one expresses oneself is the thing to focus on. just express myself as best i can, try and give people the benefit of the doubt, worry about my posts and leave other people to take care of themselves. when i start to feel like they need to change then its time for me to walk away from my computer for a time.