For me, what is behind a person's anger and abuse is a key thing. For example, my husband has always been a very angry man. I saw hints of it before we were married and ignored it (I was young, no experience, you know the story). Now we are getting divorced. I've had enough of the emotional/verbal abuse and anger. He has a problem with a woman, especially his wife, having independent opinions on things, thoughts of her own, even about trivial matters. For example, if my first choice movie to watch is different from his, it can %#@&#! him off. But in recent years, his anger has become more controlled. He has been taking anti-depressants, and these help him be less angry. But.... he still harbors that same beliefs about women, such as they shouldn't have their own desires and opinions. But he just doesn't get so angry about it anymore. For me, even though the anger is more controlled now, I still don't want to be with this guy, because of his core beliefs about women. So it doesn't matter that his anger is less. He is still the same guy with the same beliefs underneath. Does that make sense? (We are getting divorced, BTW.) I think therapy can help a person learn anger management. But can it help change fundamental beliefs that they hold?

By the way, my husband can be extremely charming. I see that word come up in several people's posts.