Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous32506
I don't know how I got to this point in my life. But I've come to the conclusion that just about every stupid decision I've made, every wrong turn down a blind alley, was a result of untreated depression.
And I feel so stupid that it's taken me this long to even realize that!
Here I am, 55 years old, no kids, no friends, no job, no achievements in life, nothing to show for my time on this earth.
For years I've spent my days alone, and now I sit in front of this computer for hours every day. I am so lonely. I'm looking into a volunteer job and a class, but I know it won't make me feel any less alone. In fact, being around other people who have friends and families just makes me feel more alienated.
I'm so ashamed that I haven't been able to take care of myself, to make good decisions, to grow and move forward in life, to build anything or even maintain any relationships other than my marriage.
For years I used alcohol and drugs to cope with extreme shyness and depression but the decisions I made under the influence only hurt me more. I've since quit drinking, etc. ... but the damage is done.
Now I have two major life-threatening illnesses, a life expectancy of 63, and nothing but regrets.
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Hi, I can relate to most of what you wrote. Sorry to hear that. Depression is really hard to deal with. Although I'm on meds, I get depressed still, especially when I'm stressed out. I have anxiety issues too. Like you, I'm also married w/o any kids, and I also don't work. I haven't for years.
I do regret some of the bad choices that I made in life as well. At least you managed to quit drinking which is NOT easy to do! I still binge drink at home once in awhile, but I'm trying to drink less these days. Also, excessive drinking has contributed to problems with former friends and family members. Not to mention that I got a DUI years ago. That almost destroyed my already fragile marriage.
At least you have your spouse. Sorry to hear about your illnesses-
You still have time left to enjoy life, so don't waste what time you have left. There is nothing that you can do to change the past obviously, so try to just learn from your mistakes and move on with your life.
You can still make friends on here, and in real life. You can attend support groups on meetup.com. It's free to join. Talking to others who are lonely and going through the same issues can help you tremendously probably. I only have a few friends, but part of me is always worried that they'll eventually leave me as I can't seem to keep friends around for long.
I'm not exactly sure why that is as I'm a nice person and I'm a good friend to the people that I care about. Maybe I tend to complain a bit to much at times, and be a little to needy for them, idk. I try not to be that way anymore. I'm doing a bit better now. I'm still a work in progress though.
Not having kids is no big deal. Three of my married friends don't have any kids either, and they're doing just fine. They're a lot of work! If you like animals, you should maybe consider getting a cat or a dog. They make the best therapists IMHO-
They don't judge you, and they're so cute and nice to cuddle with-
At least you're getting the help that you need by taking meds and going to therapy. Good for you! Maybe taking a mini vacation or going out to dinner and a movie with your spouse might help cheer you up a little. It helps me most of the time. Also, maybe you need to get on different meds or up the dosage? That can help at times. Taking vitamins helps too. Vitamin D, zinc, magnesium, calcium, and B vitamins and fish oil can help with depression I heard.
Don't stop living. Like I said, you still have time left. When you're 63, do you want to look back on the time that you spent doing nothing with regret, or the time that you spent doing something with your spouse? Also, maybe you'll end up living longer than that. Who knows?