I am glad you didn't delete it. I can relate to a lot of it.

My daughter will be leaving me also, to move to the west coast. I am in the middle of the country. My parents are on the east coast.
It is difficult to let go when you feel that they are your reason to live. So I get how you feel.

As far as the anxiety, dear qwerty, I feel as if mine arrived with the depression, also (about 10 years ago)...I do feel as if I had some kind of strange episodes that others didn't seem to have way before that, though.
Mine is triggered by a conscious thought BUT SOMETIMES it is not. It happens randomly. It is scary. And I have to just ride them out the best I can.

I don't know why we are here...I don't get why some of us suffer and some do not. Part of me wants to think that it's because of something I did...Because then it would make sense to me and I like things to make sense. I need a reason. I need logic. But it will not happen.
So, the ride is shytty for people like us.

The only thing I can do is grasp onto those special moments....the rarity of them make them all the more precious to me.
Your children and grandchildren are your moments.

You have my very best wishes and thoughts.