I am actively planning my end. And at the same time trying to delay it. I know it is wrong. It's wrong for me to take this way out, but at the same time I have been battling this for so ****ing long. Why should I keep fighting? I'm exhausted of it all. I want to disappear.

But, as always, I have made plans of things to look forward to, to prevent me from taking this measure. For now anyway. Although I'm not sure these things will be enough to stop me. Time will tell I guess.