Sizzle,

I've only recently accepted that loneliness could kill me. I've suspected that it would be a contributing factor and I guess that's what I still believe. Cause of death, heart attack; contributing factor(s), apathy and loneliness.

But the "never expected to be left with no one"? Yes, that's something that I never expected, either. I had to fill out the paperwork this weekend to see my new shrink on the 28th and I just left the emergency contact area blank. Previously, I had always listed my aunt in Texas but after her response to my disclosure of my mental illnesses, I don't think that she would be of much help.

I think that should be my new mantra:


If I get quizzed about it again, as I did with Medicaid recently, I'll just have to reiterate: no, no one. No, no one. I have a lot of people who owe me a lot of money, so there's a chance that my cremation wishes might come true. I've all of that written down. But as for someone visiting me before or after death? No one. No one at all.

Before I lost my mind, I had so many friends and lovers. I even had a few when I first got out. But they were disappointed at how much I had changed. And I was disappointed at how much they had not.

Now I've another possible grave marker. This is my third to chose from.

Thanks.