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Do you have a therapist to talk about this with? It's a beginning that you are questioning this behavior but you need more than words on a device. You need someone who can listen and help you love yourself first.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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