I emailed T twice yesterday...I normally only email twice in a whole yr...the first one was apologising for anger I had displayed and the 2nd one was apologising for "using" her..she replied saying its ok to email her to get the help I need and that she doesn't feel I've used her unappropriately and really doesnt "get" that I have acted as special...I guess so many fantasys going in my head that I felt could be "seen" by her..then I realise that all my fears and shame go on in my head...I am the prisoner...the villian and the judge all wrapped up together and back down in the real world there's T sitting there and unaware of all this going on in my mind...I really do need to sit and listen to my head during the session and verbalise it...I think thats where the work needs to be done...