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My T.. and I came to ageement today.. I am not ready to receive his help.. so I am cutting my sessions.. . and the only thing that I can think of is to get someone in next week to make my house spotless because I don't want to leave a mess for my son to sort thru...

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It seems you are able to recieve some help, as your post states. You will allow someone to clean your home. I'd say its the depression wanting to stay that is saying you won't allow T to help...depression can be a safe and cozy place to be at times...

I'd screw the house and rather my insides recieve the help and tidying...then the depression is at least being worked on rather than left.