Maybe someone can help me here. A few months ago, I was enjoying life. Now I’m hating life. What happened? Developers had been trying to buy my home and large garage for 3 years. My other neighbors wanted to sell, but I fought it strongly, even remonstrating against the town getting other neighbors to sign a petition. Nothing worked, and I eventually found myself in the middle of a disaster, where beautiful woods and neighbors houses were demolished. I guess I finally cracked one night from looking at the destruction around me for so long, and anticipating a giant warehouse at my back door in the coming year. So I decided to sell my home of 30 years that my family and I had rebuilt and loved so much. We couldn’t stand the sight of the destruction around us where there used to be beautiful large trees, nice homes and wildlife.
We received a very generous price for the home, and moved to a nicer, larger home in a different area. At first I was excited about this new home, but after the first winter, I was really depressed and longing for my old home and large pole barn/garage. My garage was built by many family members, and I was so proud of it. It was my livelihood, as many friends and family gathered there for auto work, parties, and to just hang out. My first winter without it turned out to be very devastating with the loss of this important part of my work and social life.
I have so many regrets now over selling this under the relentless pressure from developers. I just wish I could go back to that day of the decision and not sell it. This has been going over in my mind for months and I can’t get it to stop. I’ve spiraled into a major depression where I can barely function and I’m wondering how much more I can take. I started therapy sessions 3 mos ago in January because I knew I was depressed. Since then, I have tried several different AD meds, but I can't stand the side effects on them for long. I just want to stop this ruminating about past regrets and move on with my plans to rebuild another garage or try to sell this home that's too large for me and try to get back to my old activities. Help, please. I’m longing to have my old way of life back. Really, I want my home back but it’s already been demolished. I have to move forward somehow or I may not survive. Am I doing the right things with therapy and trying different meds. I’m to the point where I think I could need to be hospitalized some days. Much anxiety and depression and no clear way out. Help, please.