I'm so sad. I feel like I can't control anything. The semester ends in two weeks and I'm not ready. I'm going to fail and lose financial aid. I haven't even paid for this semester and I just lost my job this week. Right after that (like the day after) my wallet got stolen with my last paycheck inside. Now my *****y former employer refuses to write another one. So I just didn't get paid for the last three weeks. I have no money no job and bad grades. I went to the gym today to try to snap myself out of it but it was so crowded I didn't get to use anything.
I'm usually okay with my bipolar disorder. Today I hate it. I keep thinking I must have ****ed something up while I was manic and I just can't remember. I rarely remember specifics of things that I did while I was manic. I'll blow through hundreds of dollars and wonder where I spent it. Anyway. I'm not manic now. I'm so much lower than I've been in a long time. I've been staring at this screen for an hour. I have no one to talk to. No one understands. I'm completely alone and the silence is going to kill me. I got a job at a sandwich place, supposed to work tomorrow. I'll probably make about $20. I just want to stay in bed. I'm usually in control of the madness but I just don't care anymore. I can't fix it.