I don't often post much on here about myself. I am having such a horribly dissociative hard time at the moment. A current work situation, though fairly minor, mirrors and triggers a major event that happened in childhood (being sent back from foster care to abusive family). We are responding in the same way now as we did to that event - withdrawing, shutting down, silencing, internal hopelessness, despair, and more.

In the old event we were completely alone. We had no one on our side, and no one who believed us. The people we trusted who should have helped us discredited us and abandoned us to many more years of abuse.
In the current event, a work issue, we have no one on our side and no one who believes us. The people we trust to stick up for us didn't - they agreed with the other party instead, who is invalidating and discrediting us. We feel isolated and powerless, and circumstances dictate that we will be working alone under this person for the remainder of this year.

The internal reaction is way, way, way out of proportion to the current external event, but for all my intellectualizing I can't seem to put a stop to it.
The last two days have been particularly bad, and I am losing a lot of time continuity, which is very, very unlike me.

So my purpose for writing is this: I am trying to show my selves that we are not alone. That we can talk about this. That it is not the same now as it was back then. We do not have to be silent. We can use our voice. There ARE people who understand. We CAN tell our truth and be supported. I am trying to help them see that we can speak now. Because in this real life situation today if we did simply speak our truth about it, it would be okay. It is our continued silence that will perpetuate the situation.

I just want to speak our reality here. This is our reality right now. This is where we are. Here we are. And this is what is happening for us.