I need something more, but never know exactly what like when I see some things people can do about their situations I know if I have this I'll be more successful, but my way of thinking is so flawed and skewed by a lack of connection.

I want to feel I'm not abandoned I feel stationary, like regardless of change around me I feel stationary. It's very hard to be self secure about almost anything when you can't tell if you're happy about it or sad about it.

Like if someone told me how beautiful or perfect I am, I smile and say thank you take it as a kind gesture, but when someone is telling me more. I try to listen more carefully, because I logically know this is how I should do it, but when they tell me their feelings. I zone out and it goes through and out my ears as soon as it came in.

It is damn crippling to appreciate anyone. I'm always never knowing who I think is beautiful. I realized I shouldn't have to compare, because I try to compare each unique quirks people have. So much so, it's rather frustrating to stick being around certain people and they feel like I abandoned them. I definitely see why, but can't feel the importance of it.

I'm just describing my personal experience firsthand of how all relationships happen with me