I can't offer advice but I feel for you and I hope for you (sometimes others hope and caring can be enough for a while (or another day) ? although it seems other times or the same time to be so woefully inadequate) Many here care for you and understand, and many more may not fully understand but still care as best as they know how. Writing posts is hard for me, I can't do it "properly" but I wanted you to know I care and I'm trying my best to show you that (((((((((((( freewill )))))))))))))