Hello Kharon97: I'm sorry you are feeling such despair. Personally, my life is now ambling toward its conclusion. Nothing I ever imagined my life might be like ever came to pass. I am a total & complete failure. And so my struggle is to try to accept myself just as I am... with compassion. I understand what you're saying about trying to explain what you're experiencing, & having everyone think you're some sort of loon. I have given up trying to talk to anyone about what I think or feel. I don't know if anyone else would think I'm a loon. But I know, when I have tried to talk about this stuff in the past, I have always just ended up feeling exposed & foolish. So now I just keep it all to myself. I wish you well...