I feel so miserable today. I really didn't want to come back to work today, but at least I only have a few things going on. But it's terrible today. I even tried so hard and did stuff this weekend. Saturday morning I cleaned, and that night we went out with friends. Yesterday was good for relaxing, and I did some baking throughout the afternoon. I even got a chance to exercise this morning before work. But I still feel so bad. I'm trying to hard not to cry, but I think I might have to close the door soon. I don't know what I did. Part of me wonders if it might be because of last night, bf and I had sex again. But it was fine, I didn't feel triggered or anything, it was just us, not my past. There was something before I fell asleep, I don't know if it was part of a dream or just a flash of memory or thought, I can't even specify exactly what I thought or saw or whatever. It was just a flash of something, and then I "woke up" (not sure I was even asleep yet) and was terrified and anxious. But it passed and I went to sleep.

I wish my FMLA would get approved, and I wish there was some way to take more than the couple of weeks I have off paid. I just want a break from my life. I just want to feel better.