Luce thank you for telling us what you needed....(a place to tell, a place to write how things are different now than it was then) to vent and know you are not alone.

even now after all my alters have been merged\ became one with me I too struggle with those instant reactions of in tough times slipping back to the past. my treatment provider taught me a therapy tool called inner child therapy. this is a therapy technique that is used in any situation, doesnt have to be a dissociative situation, where a person feels like and reacts like they did when they were children.

heres how I do it... I find a picture of me that matches what I am feeling. then I look at that picture and think about all that I would have wanted someone else to say and do with me back then and how now things are different, then I close my eyes and .....imagine....(which is different than dissociation here in my location) I am sitting with that girl I used to be and I imagine telling her all those things I was thinking about before closing my eyes.

I learned how to do this before I was all one whole person again. I was amazed how much it helped the others as well even though I was not in a triggering dissociated frame of mind when I did that exercise.

now when I feel like what you posted I still do that. I have a feeling that there will always be times when I slip into feeling like you have posted simply because even normal people go through it. but I still hate it when it happens.

you most definitely are not alone. vent away