Quote:
Originally Posted by CassyO
Happy to take this one - 
"Different versions of me" is the only possible way I could describe me. this. whatever it is that makes my personality and thinking so different from the norm. I think thats why it took so long to figure out. My different parts can be extreme- for instance often I will be desperately insecure, massive social anxiety, terrified of everything, too shy to speak. And just as often I will be a gobby sh1te, not afraid of anything, find me practising photojournalism in the middle of a riot or a mosh pit! But, despite the extremes that I can be - its all so.... me!
I do have themes running through all of them. Morals. Love of animals. Love of George Ezra! These things seem to never change no matter which version of me I am.
Unfortunately, it is nothing like one is present all the time. There is pretty much zero co-con going on (although rapidly improving - yay!) My amnesic barriers are massive and strong and debilitating. I have no sense of time at all. I am renowned for my poor memory and I just got no grip of any kind of organisational skills. I often can't remember morning to night, let along day to day or month to month.
I always knew I had a lot of different sides to me. But I never doubted that they were me. It is only since discovering DID, and allowing the different versions of me some independence, that I have come to understand that they are still me, but they are also separate to me at the same time. I think the one good thing about the 'versions of me' scenario, is that we already know we are me, and so integration is something to look forward to, rather than something to fear. |
This describes how I feel too! It's kind of like a shift sometimes, and my perception of situations and my feelings change. I'm still "me" but I respond and react in different ways. It's kind of like going into auto pilot and someone else is talking and I'm listening.
"My different parts can be extreme- for instance often I will be desperately insecure, massive social anxiety, terrified of everything, too shy to speak."
This is very true for me too. The way I've tried to understand it is that - if I'm triggered, then whatever the emotion is that I'm trying to deal with takes me back to the memory, that I can't always remember, and it automatically replays. That is the emotion or reaction that takes over on it's own. I'm listening and watching.
Again, I have not been diagnosed with DID but struggle greatly with the dissociation. As I have "found" other parts of me, it seems that they are becoming "known" to me and there is an understanding of who and why those parts are. I can feel their feelings and hear and feel their thoughts at times.
I struggle a lot with memory issues also. Time perception. Not sure how all that play in with everything else.
I am me. Those parts are me. We are all together me.
That is what I know, so far. I'm still learning, so who knows if I've got it right or now.
