Normal men can't be charming...it sticks in my mind and it almost sounds similar to the thread about men being jerks or something like that.

I'm thinking about the question...I don't know...I think charming men can attract a lot of women...which may feel like they have power...I'm sure there are plenty of charming men that are not abusive...

I don't consider myself charming...I'm socially inept...however...not sure I'm normal either...

So probably just a stereotype...the true answer is past behavior is a great indicator of the future...if there has been a major change in their life...that behavior can take a different course...time, watching is the only way to see if the behavior has really changed...especially when things get tough...

I think many of us go back to familiar habits...in this case I'm not really talking about your specific situation, but those of us here...

It is that thought that we know we can sink to old habits...that I think would be a red flag...abuse in any form...is something to watch...I personally believe I was verbally abused by my wife...often afraid to disagree...felt very controlled...

Recently during a session with the kids (she has problems in her home, but doesn't involve herself in these sessions)...i realized from what they were saying...that they were experiencing on some level the same thing...It makes me shutter...the effect this will have on the children...two boys one girl...will the boys become angry with women and seek power for themselves or wiill they choose to realize it was her l...will the girl think this is how one treats a man...or will she realize for herself...

I thought by removing myself from the marriage...me being the problem...making her angry that it would stop...unfortunately...the kids now get it...

I know this is a different situation then you are in...however...I hope it gives you something to think about...and as always...abusive history is universal... both men and women can be the abusers...though few men will admit that they were abused....