Hello ncblueman: I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I'm in my mid 60's now... barreling on toward my later 60's! It seems like almost every day there is an article in the newspaper about some famous person (or formerly famous person) who has died. Many of them are my age... some younger! So I certainly know what you're saying about people your age dying. Every so often, I get unsolicited mail from funeral homes in my area. I wonder if they know something I don't!

Yes, I also know what you mean about living out your senior years happily. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to simply be content in my dotage. And, truth-be-told, I actually have no particular reason not to be able to do so. But my mental processes seem determined not to allow it. But then, from what I read in the newspaper about aging, I think the idea of growing old gracefully is probably more fantasy than reality for most of us. I suppose for a few people who have lots of money, energy & friends this may be reality. But for many of us it is beyond reach.

Anyway, I hope that somehow you will be able to figure out a way to have a more comfortable life. You've certainly had more than your share of trouble...