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You've expressed yourself very well (much better than I generally do).
I have luckily just one parent (and one sibling) who is very exacting about what I should've done and the way I could've (that I couldn't even is of course nonsense).
You sound wise. Trust your own wisdom.
I am schizomanic, so I am a bit more accepting than those with just BP, but not accepted very much. That's how things go. It isn't a coincidence obviously: we are wise (arguably many with schizomania or schizophrenia just more, but we are delusional, chronically ill).
Soothing idea for most in society: "schizo" means useless, so ignore.
But not for us: we know, feel, it's not true.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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