Is the therapeutic relationship somehow supposed to do this relationally? That kind of makes my head spin. (And my ex-T thought me going to church was magical thinking... Haha).

I think the only way therapy would help me with shame would be give me somebody to tell about things that happened who won't tell people I know, and to get someone else's opinion on whether it was my fault, etc. Just hearing it wasn't my fault does help. it's easier to tell someone you feel safe with, but I don't think that's only a therapist or therapeutic relationship.