thank you open eyes for the response.
My trouble is that I know things logically, but then
there is the emotional side of me that struggles.

I can understand what may have happened to her,
but I still went through what I did. And I still feel what I feel.

You are right, I know my mother loves me--she just coped
as best she could at the time.

But I also have another abuse situation that I know she knew about.
I know this because of specific actions she took after it.
It is never talked about-never has been.

I am 52 years old---why do I still lament on being a 5 yr. old?
It's ridiculous.