My therapist has told me that he believes the idea that the relationship matters above all else can do a lot of damage. He thinks there is much more to it than that, and that the techniques a therapist uses are extremely important. I would agree with him on this.

We work on shame through activating my own ability to be compassionate to myself. I feel very much that my therapy is about getting myself to be kinder and better able to take care of myself. I've lessened a lot of my shame by being able to better regard myself as I would regard a friend who might be suffering, rather than as some uniquely unworthy individual who deserves to be in pain.