sometimes I feel as though my bipolar is so all encompassing that my free will has been taken from me. at this point I realize that I'm not doing what I need to do to take care of myself, so I try my best to regain this control. while stable I feel that I do have free will, but like you said, it is kind of an all or nothing experience. Don't want to feel held back, but at times it truly feels like I cannot help it to a certain extent.