Hi there -- Thank you for starting what could be a worthwhile thread.

First, I do not believe that people invariably look for or hook up with emotionally troubled people.

Second, as I read your thread, I started to wonder if perhaps the notion that the other person's shortcomings are responsible for the demise of the relationship is, in itself, an effect of both internal and external forces, not all of which are dysfunctional. For example, one much-married coworker, who married nice women, wondered, as his third was breaking up after 12-15 years, if "all relationships eventually run into heavy weather."

What with the longevity of people, perhaps it is indeed inevitable that, as the old saying goes, familiarity will breed contempt. As well, our society encourages unrealistic expectations for love, passion, marriage. And I suppose it's a part of human nature to find the log in the other person's eye without seeing the mote in our own, or denial, as we might put it in contemporary terms.

Last, I will share what my particular pathology was in hooking up with bad boys. If a man had a lot of girlfriends, it affirmed my low self-esteem when he wanted to be with me. If he said, call you tomorrow, and didn't show up for two months, it created an emotional roller-coaster ride, and that, too, had a kind of addicting excitement. Once I understood my pathology, I stopped.

It was not easy to get used to the idea of being with someone who was nice, reliable, but relatively dull and a lousy lover. But I cultivated a loving attitude, and I managed to pull it off for 15 years.