Hello Basspro85: You've been going through a tough time. Being out of work on disability can do a number on your self-respect. Before I aged into my retirement years, I was unemployed for quite a few years as a result of a combination of both mental health & physical problems. So I have some sense of what this can be like. And then having someone you care about leave just adds to the pain.

One thing I did for a while was to do some volunteer work. That helped. I don't know if your disability status would allow you to do this. But if you could it might really help. A person can feel very proud of the service they provide as a volunteer. Beyond that, some individual counseling or therapy may be helpful, if you're not already in therapy. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have quite a few things going on. Continuing to have all of this simple rumbling around in your thoughts is only likely to make them seem more formidable. Talking through them, & figuring out what to do about them, may help you to resolve them & let them go.