Being out of work right now is tough. But I don't want to go back and feel the way I do up and down and unsure of myself. I want to go back when I am 100% as I've tried twice and failed before.

As for volunteering I was suggested this by my family doctor and have thought about it myself. Not sure how it would affect my disability right now either. It's just getting myself up and going is the issue.

As for therapy I'm in pyschotherapy currently every two weeks. More talk therapy. And it does help to vent my frustrations. As for my ex and these thoughts it seems as though I put it on myself as I still talk to her here and there and have been putting effort in to see the kids cause I miss them and they are important. Is it wrong of me to continue to want to be in their lives and make plans to see them? Am I just digging myself a bigger hole? It just sucks cause it's not an obsession over them or her I know I don't need them but I want them and want to be around them. My heart just wants what it wants if you can understand that.

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