I don't think I'd throw therapy away either. Though at the time it seems like the only way out of the confusion.

I think going back to T after the 5 week break has caused delayed reaction. Its only NOW that I am realising T wasn't there during the break, and the guilt I feel at some level for actually enjoying the time away, when I've only ever focused on the feelings around missing her.

I feel like I have taken a step away, but need to go back and look for her, but resenting ever so slightly being put back in the pushchair again (methaphorically speaking)

I want to run free, but also have T there, but maybe not looming so largely.

During the break, I was able to deal with things at my own pace, now I feel its gone to fast already. Need to get back into the rhyme of therapy again.