Hi BARBEL, welcome to the forums.

I really understand what you’re feeling. I often think that I’ve put all my abuse behind me, that I don’t have to think about it anymore. But then something will trigger me, like seeing a parent screaming at their child, and it all comes rushing back.

For me, being abused was torture. And it scarred my soul. I’ve been in therapy for many years, and I’ve talked in length to my T and to my group about what happened to me. My abuser died many years ago and I’ll never be able to face him and tell him the damage he’s done to me. But I’ve come a long way in the healing process, and I’m OK with that. But I also know that there’s a part of me inside that will never heal, that will live with the abuse until I die. And I have to learn to survive with that.

So, I go to therapy, talk to family I think I can trust (because it was a family member that abused me), and I talk here and other places where I can find people who can relate to what I’ve been thru. I know you’ll find others here who can relate to whatever you’ve experienced.

You're right, your family doesn't deserve this. Neither does mine. But they love us and we love them, and that, bottom line, is what really matters. You do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and everything else will fall into place. But it will probably never be perfect. But one thing you should remember, when you play that little tape in your head, you should also tell yourself, "It wasn't my fault". None of us asked to be abused.

I know whatever happened, it was painful. Abuse always is. I hope you’ll find the forums helpful in getting some of the hurt that’s inside, out. I’m really glad you found us.

Hugs,
bptoo

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."