I have consciously made up things like that before. When T was away.... I consciously made up a scenario that he was there and I was telling him things.... I tend to intellectualize quite a bit in regards to therapy.... I don't normally have "conversations" with T when he's not there or imagine different scenarios of him being with me.... I just think a lot, I process, etc. So for me, to imagine a "safe" scenario involving T is something that would take a lot of effort-- something I did consciously in the past. This was the first time when such a thing happened without my awareness of conjuring it up.

Oh, and ECHOES-- I think you are right on the mark-- I think my adult needs and little kid needs are completely separate. I separate the little kid ones, making them "unacceptable" to the adult. I don't see the needs as integrated at this point.