Hi there! I'd really like some advice if anyone could help.

I'm a 19 year old student studying at university, I turn 20 in a few months time.

My relationship with my mum hasn't ever been great. I've already accepted and got over most of the past in which she has been overbearing, controlling, hot-headed but I love my mum more than anyone. She raised me and my brother on her own from when I was nine years old and my love for her is unquestionable no matter what.

Moving to university was a breath of fresh air. I could get away from the negativity at home and visit my mum and my younger brother when I like, which is reasonably often because I'm aware they're quite alone. Since moving out my relationship with my mum has stayed more or less the same. I've always conformed what I do and my choices just to ensure she's happy and doesn't get mad at me and I have always done this because for me, there's nothing worse than making her upset. But now I have actually become aware that this is what I've been doing, I've steadily started doing it a little less just as I decided that sometimes it's not worth the hassle or upset I put myself through in order to keep her happy. It's easier to do so as I'm out the house and ignoring or responding to a text in a way that I would never do in person is easy.

My mum comes from an Asian background. She is not religious at all, and doesn't tend to be that into all the cultural stuff, except for some things in particular. One of them being that education is paramount amongst anything else, which is something I agree with. I am very dedicated to my university degree and I aim to have a masters and a P.H.D too.

Now my problem is that I have a boyfriend. I have been with him officially for just under six months, but we have been best friends and with each other emotionally for over a year and I love him and he loves me too. I have met his lovely family numerous times, visited their home back in Wales, I've even been on a holiday with them - and my mum is totally unaware of everything.
She believes that education comes first and therefore a boyfriend would distract me. She's said 'you're not allowed a boyfriend till you're 30 and settled down with a career' numerous times - I'm still unsure as to how literal to take the number.

For me, I know he will not distract me from my career. And neither will I distract him (he's also at university). We are with each-other 24/7, whether that's at home or in the library studying. I consider his friends like my other little family, as I'm hence with them 24/7. I'm happy here. We enjoy talking about our future together and I plan on being with him for the rest of my life.

I don't know how to tell my mum about him. I'm so scared. I'm scared that she will turn me away and never speak to me again. Im scared she'll do something crazy like not allow me to go back to university or make me choose between them both. I'm scared that I'll only hurt her further when she's already hurting (I'm aware that she's depressed herself) and if I hurt her further I don't know how I would cope. Leaving my boyfriend is not an option - I love him and hurting him would hurt me just as equally. I would be miserable without our relationship - he's the only person who truly knows me and understands me. Who really really makes me happy. The only person I can honestly open up to and I tell him absolutely everything, as does he to me. My mum doesn't know me, I've always put up a front or a mask, behaving and being how she wants me to be. I don't really have any girl friends who I consider 'best' or 'close' friends.

I know I want to wait until after my exams to tell her, but is there a right time? Or a better time? Or a way to do it? Am I correct in thinking that if she doesn't accept it, then that's her choice to push me away and I haven't done anything wrong? The thought of losing her is eating me away. But she's stubborn and fiery and has never ever accepted someone else's opinion or point of view, whether that's me or a friend. She loves me more than anything but she's so stubborn I'm scared she won't be able to push past it. Or that she will take it as some form of betrayal from me? I don't know. All I know is my boyfriend wants me to tell her sooner rather than later. A) we have both said she has to find out anyway at some point as we wish to be together in the future. B) it's easier than sneaking around. C) he said to him and his parents it would look like I'm not taking our relationship seriously.

Am I right in thinking I should tell her and that if she doesn't accept it that I just leave her and carry on until she does accept it?