I need help, and I want help, and I hate being so paralyzed by whatever this is that I can't get it. So many thoughts of "what's the point" and "why would anybody care". I don't know what, but I have to do something.

I tried to cut myself at work today. It didn't work, but I don't like that I was that desperate to try. I posted something earlier about how it's frustrating because I'm chasing a feeling that I just can't catch, and that scares a part of me. I'm almost worried that finally getting what I want will be going too far.

I don't know what I want to say, or what I want to get from saying it. I keep doing the same thing this week with my journal. I try to write and let it out, but I just get lost after paragraph or two and give up.