grrr

i tried to write a good thoughtful post, but i have some demon or something that doesn't want me to be happy apparently, when i try to make a good move or do something i think is wright, what happens? you know what happens

im just gonna forget about all that mushy nonsense and just update the stupid disability sdtuff

the lawyer said they usually drop the case at this point, then it would be a good idea to just refile a new case - idont know why its not a good idea to appeall it at this stage
dad and aunt want me to talk to aunts lawyer, i dunno what to do- im tired of talking

tired of talking to everyone, tired :|
sorry, im really annoyed now because i tried to explain alot of things in that post but it was DELETED!
bloody hell always happens

im not supposed to tell anything about how i am inside apparently grrr

im still alive none the less, body is sore from stupid foolish self harm but whatever, it keeps it happey
keeps me alive iguess the pain

blah, this is stupid, why am i even trying to write

i feel so retarded, a big fake fraud, trying to come up with excuses for a pathetic excuse of a life

and all that, i was trying to be nice to myself, but no wtf - i was feeling just empty which is fine but now im pissed off because i wanted to share but it was thrown away, bloody hell!

im sorry about being such a bloody jackass and posting a bunch of nonsense, im sorry about ranting and saying a bunch of stupid stuff all the time, i am sorry about not being stronger, better, truer, real

im just gonna stop because i shouldn't say anything in this state, i dont like hurting people, i was ashamed and embarrased, but now im just pissed off

tired of changing, tired of flopping around like a bloody fish

ill try to come back sometime and re-re-re-write the stupid emotional post that wanted to share, part of me thought reaching out someone could help but i dont know it doesnt matter grrrr something doesnt want me to reach out ahhhhhhhh

what a temper, what a temper clawing me, i'll come back when ever i can come back to earth, the real me