I am so sorry you are going through this. The SSDI system is a cruel process and you can blame the scammers for it. I have known people that got on it after 3 appeals so keep fighting!

It is hard to express yourself to complete strangers, I struggle with that as well. I look normal, whatever that means, to people when I am just spinning out of control inside and sometimes the opposite.

It's hard but the best thing for your situation is to unload verbally and get every little detail down to your scars documented. If it is anything like the VA process, it comes down to what is objectively listed in your records. They have an (s) section in medical records which is subjective, stuff you tell them. What gets written there has little weight. What is important are the diagnosis and what is in the (o) section, objective report. Since it is for my MH issues, there is also a mental health status report listing things like attitude, affect, levels of orientation, hallucinations, judgement, delusions, etc with a short, sometime one word description. Like Mood: Dysphoric. That can be helpful but misleading, in my opinion. Just because I have good judgement today doesn't mean I am that way every day.

I can't stress how important a complete and accurate medical record is. I am paranoid about it so I always download my medical records from the VA website. You should be able to get copies, at least a few days after an appointment so you can see where your doctor thinks you are and you can note any omissions in a timely manner.

Yeah, I know it sucks having to be all squared away with this stuff when existing is difficult. When I had my last VA disability exam, I brought a list of things to remember. What was supposed to be a 90 minute exam stretched out past 3 hours and not only did I give her a complete history of my suckage, but she was able to witness how I declined during that time from the stress of staying seated and alert enough to answer her questions. It was enough to convince her I can't work, although the VA is still hasn't made a determination.

It was the hardest thing in the world because we have to hide so much and pretend everything is fine when dealing with day to day stuff. A pdoc or therapists office, or SSDI appeals room is the wrong place for it but it is an instinct that I think most MH patients develop.

Keep your head up, see a lawyer and keep fighting. I know you are a stubborn person who is much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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