I felt OK this morning, but ever since getting to work I'm starting to droop. So far 3 people have commented on my being here so early today, including my supervisor, who knew about it. I had to shift my hours an hour early on Wednesdays for a group starting the week after next, but I decided to start the new schedule now to get used to it. It's just making me anxious, unless this is carry over from last night.

I still can't believe how much better I felt last night after smoking. It's never calmed me down that much before, and I have definitely cut after doing it. But it helped, and bf and I were able to have some crazy conversation about things I never could've dealt with earlier. We started talking about my birthday, and what we could do for it. It started with his suggestion that we should just get in the car and drive until we're tired. Then we started discussing plans to drive to Colorado to visit some of his friends. It's weird, there is like no planning involved in any of this yet, which makes it so scary to me. But maybe we will just go. I don't know yet, I don't know why I'm bothering to write about it. I have no idea what I want to do about either idea.