Well, back when I started this job and had to be tested I could get clean that fast
I was only smoking on weekends though. Now it would take longer since I smoke all the time.
I have a hard time stopping like that too. I smoke as much for the experience as I do for the high. Plus it makes social situations so much easier to deal with. I've promised myself at least a week off when I start feeling better, but lately I'm still using it to self-medicate since the meds aren't helping much yet.
I think right now I just need to keep myself distracted, then I don't feel so bad. If I'm hanging out with bf and we're smoking and talking about tv or movies or something totally normal like that, I don't feel so bad. It helps keep me out of my head, so I guess I kind of escape in a similar way to you? I just haven't figured out how to do it on my own yet.
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Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
you can get clean in 2 weeks?
i dunno anything about flushing my system - never really had to worry about it but i really should learn so that i could just lie to them people and tell them i dont smoke anymore since i just smoke so much less now (there is no way its causing my problems) *rolls eyes*
the depersonalization stuff doesnt really bother me, i kind of enjoy it because it turns my crazy stuff off in a sense and it always passes ya know and i dont really remember afterwards but it can be uncomfortable i guess because of my somatization stuff.. my body will start getting really weird - but its nice to escape if i didnt feel the phsyical stuff i would probably just sit there and drool lol then after a couple days with it back in my system it stops happening or atleast i dont notice it so much... i feel weird all the time anyway so its nice to have an excuse for the strangeness - i think the weed does effect me different than others though it seems to have like an lsd effect but ive never taken lsd so i cant really compare it... i dont want any lsd either! defintely
it is nice having a lower tolerance, but i build it up fast for some reason.. and also i have a problem with stop smoking when im "good" ... like i love the smell and taste so much and i just love smoking so much i cant stop :P it annoys me because i could make it last so much longer if i didnt do that "ahh just one more" kind of thing
i totally understand about the repercussions of going to the hospital... i dunno what they wrote in my records from my stay there but i know that its messed up because i was really messed up at that time.. on all those pills and those people putting this bipolar mania stuff into my head trying to make me believe it... i remember after i stopped crying i just went into a "gotta go home" mode and was like if i just get better they will let me go, and i just went into another world and i guess i was fine - they said that my mood and everything improved substantially and i seemed completely stable and ok - i even wrote some weird thank you letter praising them or something, lol... stupid brain... so now they probably do think im bipolar or psychotic or something, but i dunno i just was really doped up and wanted to go home because those people scared me and i was tired of being in a strange place... but anyway, just have to becareful with what you say i guess.. because if you arent they write everything down :| i only remember a few things so its not really fair that they get to say all these things about me when i feel like its really not true...
they wouldnt give me any benzos in there for some reason, they said they dont give controlled substances (i guess because the pdoc had me down as substance abuse or something) but anyway.. they put me on depakote and couple other antipsychotics and that stuff really messed me up, i was already on like 7 pills before they started adding those new ones, or changing them, hmm... i really cant remember what they did besides waking me up every morning early to take my blood checking my levels
it can be good to go in though if you are really freaking out.. in a way that you might hurt yourself bad ya know.. they wanted me to go because i had started cutting and they just thought i was really unstable - i wasnt so unstable as i was just confused though
if you do go make sure you have refills on your benzos and stuff because they told me that would be the only way that i could take them is if someone brought my prescription to me but i didnt have any more and the pdoc lied to me about letting me take them again and stuff so..
i wish i could tell you what i do, but i honestly am not sure what i do i just know that my mind does something and i go somewhere and everything is ok for a while, but maybe i lost touch with reality a long time ago or something? i'll keep popping back remembering things and be like ahh you stupid faker!! arguing with myself about stuff, because i feel like how can i go from one way to another and not really remember things until those flashes happen 
can you turn your brain off? maybe thats what i do, turn things off for a while 
wish i could make it better for you, i feel guilty about escaping the way i do |