yeah its just an enjoyable relaxing experience
dunno why they think its such a harmful/dangerous thing

yeah i think thats similar to what i do, i end up talking to myself though lol
but thats because i know myself better than anyone i guess and its an automatic thing andd i dont really like talking about things to other people, but if i had a GF it might would be different
distraction seems to be what its about, or forgetting about things? sometimes things just seem to leave my head and im left with other feelings, but sometimes it annoys me because of confusion and because i feel like a manipulator / master faker or something and i start to feel crazy or scared because things start going through my head like "what if i am bipolar?" or what if it is mania, or what if im psychotic blablabla - but right now im just blocking it, trying to atleast!
i just find it strange that i can turn into a chameleon and adopt some other feelings, i start to feel stoned really... i mean i do feel high right now but thats kinda one of the reasons i dont like to be sober becuase i feel more messed up when im sober than when im using stuff if that makes sense, like just thinking about it makes me start feeling dizzy/disorientated but i've been trying to learn to go with the flow instead of freaking out over something that might be a good thing, after all im not crying and moaning about how messed up i am
but just saying that stuff out loud makes me shake my head because it sounds ridiculous, makes me confused grr
i would feel like a huge idiot if it turned out that i was bipolar, super retarded
but i just cant understand why i forget everything the way i do, does weed/alcohol damage your memory like that? i cant remember how i used to be before i started because i started around 12/13 years old... but i really am more sober now and just dont understand how something like that can be effecting me like this, its reallly bad! or good, how ever you wanna look at it

if i was you and i had a wonderful boyfriend like yours i would be fantasizing / daydreaming about him all the time to make me feel better