But talking about my feelings for him shifted all that emotional intensity to him. In my mind it gave him tremendous power in the immediate moment and that made me far more vulnerable, in a way replicating the scenario of abuse. The healing was in the emotional experiencing, repeatedly, of his compassion and holding of the boundaries that insured my safety--the very boundaries that were violated by abuse.

Talking about the abuse from an emotional distance could only take me so far; the emotional experience needed to be repaired by experiencing that core vulnerability in the moment, but resolved in a way that was transformative. It was the work that healed the core of my self.