Thank you mona, don't worry, questions are good I love my H and children dearly of course and these relationships have been remarkably untroubled by my attachment pattern but I do feel an emerging parental element to my relationship with T which is confusing for me because I don't really relate to the idea of feeling attached to my parents. Certainly not now, and with my mother not ever. So this seems to be stirring some inate feeling in me that I can't quite grasp because it was never accessed before.

I think you are right about attachment playing a strong part.