I'll bet that with the right medications you will be well again. Of course that starts by getting the right diagnosis, and hopefully your new psychiatrist will be able to provide that for you. I cannot offer any advice whatsoever, but I do know that when you are in the depths of depression, as you are, it's like you are in a deep hole and you can't get out. With the right meds, you'll climb to the surface and be able to see the world as it is again. Bipolar meds tend to make people flat, with neither extreme highs nor lows, so many of us miss the joy that can come from everyday life. But at least you'll be able to feel content with life, which is what you seem to be asking for. Best of luck to you. Hang on a little longer, and everything will be fine.