I get the pretending. I do it so much, it's weird. I guess today has been the weirdest, because I'm just so unfocused and not here. But when I'm talking to someone, I'm happy and normal and sociable and laughing. I don't feel like that inside though. It's too easy to pretend, but I don't want to let everyone know what's going on inside either.

I don't know if it's all my schooling or just me, but my diagnosis has been so clear from the start. It's like a perfect checklist, I can just go through the symptoms for depression and gad and nearly every one fits me perfectly. There's never been any question in my mind what I'm dealing with. But I know it can be way more complicated, and I can't imagine having to deal with that. My whole life has been pretty straightforward, though. I had a normal family and a normal childhood, but that still doesn't explain why I have to be like I am. There really isn't even any history of any of this in my family, not that anyone knows about anyway.

Scraping pipes? Ew I hate getting to that point, we had to last weekend. I can't deny being at least a little jealous though, I still have at least 2 more hours at work.